The Missing Message

Today I’m sharing an excerpt from my upcoming eBook, First Steps Out. It’s written to parents, family, and friends of people who are seeking help with their sexual orientation. This section is a message that I believe is missing in our culture today. It’s one important piece of revelation I gained as I was fighting my 20+ year battle to overcome same sex attraction. Before I could find freedom, I had to come to a place of believing it was okay to fight how I felt.

It’s OK To Fight.

I believe there is a missing message in our culture today, and that is this:

It’s OK to fight, if you don’t want to feel same-sex attraction. You can overcome it.

There is honor in fighting, and there is a place for your voice in society if you choose not to embrace homosexuality for yourself.

There is honor in embracing God’s choice of your gender.

There is honor in adhering to the originally intended functions of your biological makeup.

There is honor in desiring to honor your convictions.

It’s OK to Honor God. In this way. With these things.

Our culture has managed to script our perspectives for us. We have all come to understand now, according to pop culture and the media, that being straight means you are boring, uncreative, and living in a box. Being gay means you are hip, urban, and eclectic.

We have to quit believing that, and quit belittling people on both sides of this issue.

This tainting of our vision is as old (and immature) as the lunchtime seating dilemma faced by the nerds and popular kids.

And it needs to stop.

I recognize that all who experience same-sex attraction are not compelled to change in the way that I was. I honor you, seek friendship with you, and I do not judge you. It’s not my job to change you or convict you to change; it’s God’s. It’s my job to love and honor you. Your life is valuable and God is very capable of speaking to your heart when and if your time comes to fight this battle.

But there are those who do not want that life.

And some of them are young. And no one is telling them it’s okay to fight. They only tell them it gets better. To get comfortable with your uncomfortableness. And maybe they don’t want that. Maybe, like me, on the inside, away from anyone else’s influence or voice on the matter, they want to change. They are a boy or young man, currently attracted to other young men, but they want to become a man who dates and marries a woman. Or they are a girl or young lady currently attracted to other young ladies, but they want to become a woman who dates and marries a man. I know they are out there. I know them. I was them.

Who is speaking for them? Who is giving them hope?

Let me interject here: I think it’s a shame how some Christians treat the LGBT community. If they are the lepers, we are the Pharisees. In many cases. Far too many. It is horrendous, tragic, and unenlightened.

But I know there is room for more than one message in our culture.

As needed and valuable as campaigns to stop teenage suicide in the LGBT community are, equally important is the message that there is hope for you if you don’t want to experience homosexual or bisexual or transgender feelings. You can be free to live in the body God gave you, just like it is, and express your sexuality just as God designed – both for pleasure and for procreation.

And it is beautiful. And exciting. And romantic.

There is much more to my story, but I wanted to excerpt this portion of my message because it stands alone on a cultural level. It is a message I would like to send, especially to young people who are uncertain they want to live life as a homosexual. This Friday, on Prodigal Magazine, I will release a longer version of my story.

Photo Courtesy of: Rosalba. Creative Commons License 2.0.

August 28, 2012

  • Bethany Suckrow

    Christy. You are so brave. Thank you for writing and sharing this, and speaking out. I cannot wait to read the full ebook!

    • Christy McFerren

      Thanks, Bethany! It means a lot to have your support. Thanks for sharing this. I pray people can find freedom if they desire it.

  • Chantelle Macune

    The words you write are going to change lives. Praise God for your obedience in writing this book…I can’t wait to read it and share it!

    • Christy McFerren

      Thank you Chantelle! Love you and yours. :)

  • Annette Skarin

    A very loving observation. We’re all a little skewed in our thinking. None of us is more righteous…so we need to put down our spiritual stones and start grabbing those foot washing towels.

    • Christy McFerren

      Annette, so well said. Thanks for reading and sharing!

  • Judy ‘Koehnlein’ Albright

    Thank you for this. I think it has more credibility as well since you have lived it. You touched on one of the main concerns I have regarding young people and all people who are struggling with homosexuality. Those who are struggling, truly struggling in that they do not want this for themselves often have nowhere to turn. They are dishonored by those who tell them to embrace something they want to change, and are shunned by the Christian community as well that doesn’t know what to do with them. Hopefully this will start a movement where these precious people have somewhere to turn and know they are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Christy McFerren

      Judy, you nailed it. This:

      “They are dishonored by those who tell them to embrace something they
      want to change, and are shunned by the Christian community as well that
      doesn’t know what to do with them.”

      That’s the problem I’m hoping to solve.

      and Lord, yes, let there be a movement of hope and freedom!

      Thank you for reading.

My new ebook, Shame Is Hell, will be available for free to those on my mailing list. You can sign up now, and it will arrive in your inbox hot off the press when it's released.

First Steps Out by Christy McFerren First Steps Out: How Christians Can Respond to a Loved One's Struggle with Homosexuality